It's that time of year again....my birthday is a few days away and as tradition, I'm slowly jumping into the dark mood I get each year.
Don't know when it started but when I come near my b-day I'm not happy because it's my day, I don't feel grateful to be blessed with a good life, good friends and family, I don't look forward to the next year. NO, I obsess over everything I haven't accomplished, I compare myself to people who became millionaires by age 21, or 31, or 35, doesn't matter...I ain't me!
For the longest time I thought it was only me until I read a non-fiction book from my favorite author Marian Keyes, where she mentions she's the same. So there might not be too many of us out there, but I'm not the only one who wants to strangle the first person to say "Happy Birthday" to me.
This year I planned throw a House-Warming/Birthday party, but I cancelled it two weeks ago. First of all I know my apartment wouldn't be ready to...the unpacking has been a nightmare! And second, I don't want to be among people.
A friend of mine said I should have had the party anyway, since it's easier to hide in a crowd. What he said does have some logic, except when it's supposed to be "Your Day" and any frown is met with people trying to force you to be happy. Which really, it's awesome that I have friends that care for me, but I just want them to shut the hell up! In this case...it's not them, it's me.
Birthday #37 - No Pics exist
That year my b-day fell on a Saturday. And that day I was forced by my Mom to attend a cousin's wedding and I don't even like this cousin, but I went...I had to....my Mom said so.....yeah, I know I'm an adult that has lived outside the parental home for over a decade....but my Mom said so.
That day I had a trim and hairstyle done to look nice, and the girl did a horrible job! She didn't trim my hair, she chopped it with I'm assuming were rusted scissors since it took me almost 6 months to outgrow that haircut.
All pictures I took that day, I looked awful! There were all erased, have tons of pics of my friends and family at the after-party we had. But none of me, I was not a happy b-day girl.
Birthday #38 - Vegas, Baby!
For the first time in my adult life I decided to forgo the obligatory celebration with my loved ones, instead I took my sister and we went to Las Vegas for the weekend since my b-day would be on Sunday.
It was great, it wasn't a crazy drunken weekend or anything like that. Just me and my sis, spending time together, having fun and avoiding any mention of the "b" word.
On Sunday as she drove back I received phone calls, answered friends e-mails and Facebook posts, but was feeling very happy to not be physically around any of them....it was an awesome B-Day!
|Vegas = Elvis...and Austin Powers, I guess|
|Didn't get drunk, at least not that I remember|
|Those were just fun people|
This year, though the b-day falls on a Monday, I still feel obliged to do something over the weekend. On Friday a girl friend and I are going to a metal concert, I plan to dress up nicely, might even use my red corset.
Saturday I plan to get drunk with a Russian friend, just because I haven't gotten drunk, not even once, this whole year.
Sunday, hopefully I'm too hungover to even care it's the eve of the b-day.
And on Monday I only have planned to go to lunch with a girlfriend and spend the rest of the day in bed with my cats answering Facebook well wishes and the ocassional phone call.